Night Out

Well, I did it.  I ventured out into a crowded bar last night, filled with drunks, men and rude women.  I went with two amazing friends who helped me through the anxiety attacks that continued to happen.  Every time someone bumped into me, walked past and ran their hand around my back to make sure I didn’t back into them.  A few times I held onto the table for dear life as I felt the room closing in.  A few tequila shots helped calm the nerves, plus I thought it would be a great idea to not wear my glasses or contacts.  Everyone could just be a big blur.  Did it work?  Yes and no.  It did get to me that I couldn’t focus on peoples faces but then again, every guy there looked like an asshole to me.  No matter how cute or ugly or nice or mean looking they were…they all had a hidden agenda.  Even ran into a guy from my past online dating experience who led me on.  Well, maybe not led me on but we connected and his communication was sporadic at best and then told me that I was too clingy and was obviously looking for something more than he was.  Yep, I was looking for more than a roll in the hay.
Great thing about last night was that I looked great and I knew it and I didn’t give a shit what others thought.  Am I moving onward and upward?  Not yet.  My evil twin came out last night.  Her name is Phoebe.  She is a great mask to be behind.  I feel that I can be a bitch when I am with her.  April came crashing through a few times and finally broke out at the end of the night which was a great and pleasant surprise.  It allowed me to actually (kinda) dance and talk to someone that I had never met before who turned out to be pretty surprising.  Huh!  Who woulda thunk it!