It happened for a reason....

Do you subscribe to the idea that everything happens for a reason?  I do.  Looking back on my life, the good, the bad and the ugly have all shaped me into the person I am today.  I also subscribe to the idea that there is a silver lining in every situation, sometimes it is the tiniest sliver of sunshine but it is there if you look hard enough, or have someone as annoying as me pointing it out
Looking back on my adult life, my “hardships” really could have been a lot worse.  At the time, life was ending.  I didn’t know what to do, where to turn or who to turn to.  It was just recently, when I turned 35 that I took on a new perspective in life.  To live it to the fullest, to look for the rays of sunshine in all the clouds.  This was also the day I told my doctor that I would not be taking any more medication for depression.  I felt like I had no emotion on the pills and I hated it.  I am sure people in my life wanted to shove some of those pills down my throat the first few months off of them!  I was an emotional roller coaster.  Not the best moments in my life o_o
My grandmother’s life was an inspiration to me and continues to be.  When I have a down moment I think of her and her smiling face.  She had a tough life.  She lived an inspiring life.  No matter what the world threw at her, she still went on, treated people with respect (even when they didn’t treat her with respect back), lived a simple life with joy in the little things.  The beauty in the sunrise and sunsets.  The blooming flowers.  The farm animals.  Family.
My grandma was married young to a handsome Russian man and they had 3 dark handsome boys.  Then one day he is murdered.  Shot dead on a rainy day while bringing home hay.  She became a young widow in a heartbeat.  She then met my grandfather, married and had 3 more children (2 boys and one girl – my mom).  During the course of her life, she had her one son die in a boating accident, another of cancer and another in a car accident.  Her second husband died also.  This is a lady who then ran the farm on her own until her own passing of cancer.  This strong woman checked herself out of the hospital to go back to the farm to say goodbye before collapsing and ending back up in the hospital until her passing.  There was always time for a little visit and I can still hear her “yoo-hoo” from across the yard or street to get your attention.  I miss her dearly but every time I am looking for that ray of sunshine in the dark cloud, I think of her and that sunshine warms my soul.
There are many horrible things happening in this world.  Famine, Natural Disasters, Disease.  I think of these when I am looking for that ray of sunshine.  Yes, my daughter died but it could have been worse, I could have lost both girls.  Yes, I have been through 2 marriages but it could be worse, I could hate both of these men and not learned anything from them.  Yes, I have lost all my grandparents but I was lucky enough to know all of them.  Yes, I have not found my niche in the world completely yet, but I will find it…I am still young.  Yes, I have had some good friends who turned out to not be good friends at all but I am very blessed with the friends I have in life right now.
Wow….this post took on a whole different vibe than when I started.  I am very glad to be writing again and thank you for reading