Heimlich Maneuver

Last night, sitting around the kitchen table with friends, a topic came up in the strangest way.  I am going to try and do this story justice and hope it doesn’t end up being one of those stories that at the end you have to say “Guess you had to be there but it was really funny”.  Now, that being said, this was a bring tears to my eyes funny, stomach laugh so hard that I felt like I had worked out my abs for hours funny…..
It all started when W made a comment about me drinking water, while everyone else was enjoying a bevy and that I better not nurse my water too much unless I was worried about drowning.
The conversation then turned to dying.  Or more specifically, would you want someone to give you mouth to mouth, if it was your friend and especially if you are a guy and your friend is a guy.  Laughter began as the guys began demonstrating and explaining different hand signals.  If they are choking or dying but are still putting their hand over their mouth, or even their forearm, this means “get the f*ck away from me, I would rather die than have you kiss me”.  This was the general consensus from the two of them.  Don’t come near me Bro…I don’t want your ugly mug being the last thing I see if I am leaving this earth.  I, personally would like to live and would be thankful…but these are guys we are talking about.
From this point, R mentions that he has had to do the “Hymen” maneuver twice in his life.  I looked over to see if he was joking.  He was dead serious.  But instead of saying “Don’t you mean the Heimlich maneuver?”, I had to keep this one going.  So this is how it went from there:
April:  “the Hymen maneuver huh?”
R:  with a complete poker face, “yeah, had to perform it twice in my life.”
April: “Only twice huh?”
Now at this point W and I realize that R has no clue of the word mix up and we start howling.  R laughs along but you know the laugh, the “you guys are laughing so I will too even though I have no clue what’s so funny” laugh.
R:  “Yep, twice.  Once there was a piece of chicken and it flew into a salad and once it ruined a supper.”
A: ” I can imagine it would ruin a supper.  And salad probably flew everywhere”.
As I am egging this story on, I have tears running down my face, W can’t control himself, almost falling off of his chair.
It was then that R caught on and in all honesty, I can’t quite remember how.  I think we let him in on it, but this joke went on for hours after and still today.  I think the best part of it was the blank look that R had on his face.  He truly didn’t realize what we were laughing at.  It was one of those “should have had a video camera” moments.
So you tell me….a “Have to be there” kinda of funny or is it still funny reading it.  Because as I am typing it, I am still laughing!