Funny Commercials

Love these commercials lately...
Say NO to Crack, say Yes to Roller Skating
The Schticky
Maxwell the Pig - Street Luge
Maxwell the Pig - Zip Line

Lindi Ortega

My sister-in-law put me onto this great artist.  Check her out!  http://lindiortega.ca/

Happy Birthday!

**Not sure why this didn't post yesterday....but....oh well!"

Yep, celebrating my birthday today! Very proud to be 37 years young. So much has happened in my life so far and now that I am really looking into myself, I realize that my life has been ok. I can't say great yet but I will. I have an amazing daughter, fantastic friends and a wonderful family.
Today, I started the day with a bubble bath, breakfast out, now getting a new look with my amazing friend and hair stylist, Sonya, then to relax before the martinis and tequila flow :)
I will update with a photo of the new hair later!

Rainy Day

Another rainy day in Saskatoon.  I hear so many people complaining about how they wish it was sunny and hot, not the rainy dreary weather we are experiencing.  I actually had a comment yesterday that it sucks that it is raining on your birthday.  Little did they know, I enjoy the rain.
Sure the sun is nice but nothing beats a couple of days of rain.  I don't mean torrential downpours but a nice steady light rain.  It washes away the dust and grime of the world and puts on a nice shiny look on everything.  The grass and leaves are greener, the cars are cleaner and the birds sing their hearts out.
I love the sound of the rain on the window of my bedroom when I know I don't have to get out of bed yet.  Or the soothing sound of the rain on a metal roof.  And especially walking in the rain and listening to the sound on your umbrella.
Now, this all being said, yes, a warmer rain would be nice right now because I can't really warm up.  But in a few days when the grass is growing and the sun shines on this new looking world of Saskatoon, everyone will be thankful for the rain.
A quick quote that was on a sign outside of a school...."Rain is God's way of washing away the dirt of our world".

Really!?!

First I arrive at my appointment this morning to find out they mis-booked me and had to be re-booked. Fine. Now I show up and my appointment, wait for 15 minutes and then a lady walks in and starts showing everyone pics of Cancun. Another 10 minutes to wait...wtf

Photo Feature: Cherry Blossoms http://t.co/ouvcngm4 -- Instagram (@instagram)

The benefits of honey

50 Health Benefits of Honey

Happy =)

Is there anything better than:

Laying in bed, knowing you don’t have to get up yet, being able to just stretch and then curl up again, listening to the sounds of the house?

Enjoying a cup of coffee in bed? Ok, maybe if a hot man was serving it up for me!

Knowing your day will be great? Lunch with my dad, massage later….

Looking forward to something? Date night with my daughter tomorrow night =)

The ability to lay in bed, enjoy your coffee, blog and know that you still have at least an hour before you get up and start your day….bliss =)

Enjoy your day!

Watch "Drunk Makeup Tutorial" on YouTube

Green Cruiser =)

Looks like spring to me!

What the Fudge!

You would think I would learn but no.  I have this strange obsession obviously, which my therapist tells me she will help me get over.  I feel the need to lie to myself, put myself down, let others do the same (and think it is love for me) and ignore the best advice I get from friends.

Going to a therapist has made me face somethings, although I still don't admit it all.  I do not have self-love and therefore don't expect someone to treat me with respect, which I deserve.  Then I get upset when they don't.  Crazy.  I look back at my life and what has "happened" to me.  I have always blamed someone but I really have to get my head out of my ass if I am going to move forward.  Come on, really April!  You portray a confident, self-loving, strong woman when really you are completely the opposite.  OK, not completely and baby you've come a long way even in just the past month.  

I thought strong meant hiding the pain, not crying, not dealing with my emotions.  I had to be strong for everyone else.  If I broke down, everyone else would too.  That won't do.  It's hard to admit but damn it, I need to cry, to scream, to hit something!  I have such pent up emotions that when they start to come out, I not only scare the crap out of myself but others around me.  They haven't seen me like this!  Where is this coming from?  Did they do something?  Did I lose my mind?  Do they need to call in the men with the white jacket?  My realization?  My next relationship will know that I do need to cry sometimes, I do need to scream and yep, I do need to hit something.  I will show that my life isn't always rainbows and lollipops, as much as I would like it to be.  I will still look for that silver lining and will still laugh and smile but I will lose it some days and some days I will feel like sitting inside, probably in bed and just be with me.

Self-loving?  Really?  Me?  Ha!  How can I kid myself like that?  All my life, I have hated something about the way I look.  And god forbid someone compliments me.  I have to stop myself from turning around to see who they are really talking to.  I am getting better.  I really am.  I have beautiful eyes, I have a beautiful smile with naturally straight teeth.  I like that I am adventurous with my hair.  I have my own strange style in clothing.....I like what I like.  I realize that I LOVE perfume and now have a little harem of bottles on my dresser.  I like being tall and will wear heels to be taller.  I have the cutest ears.  Even though I have skis for feet, they are pretty nice looking as far as feet go.  I have amazing legs for not working them out.  And my god, do I have boobs.  All natural and what a lot of women pay good money for.  

And Self-loving just ties into the confidence.  As I was typing the above paragraph, I was smiling, sitting a little taller and feeling a little better about myself. 

So, I get to the latest quote I have come across  which is below.  Life is like an arrow.  Up until now, my life has had difficulties and I have allowed them to bring me down, to let others bring me down.  To all those that have....WATCH OUT!  The string of the bow has been pulled taught and is now being let go.  This arrow is going to fly into the future and hit her target amongst the stars.

Powerful quote

After a while you learn… | Goodmorning & Goodnight

Great ideas to make life simpler

Smart tips to make life easier

The waiting game

There is nothing that annoys me like waiting for appointments. I make sure I show up on time, the least you can do is try and get me in on time. Yes it is different if I show up 15 minutes early. Or if I am at a doctors office and they are running a bit behind. But apologize. That's all it takes.
Now...this being said. I currently sit and wait for my oil change. My appointment was for 10. I was here 5 minutes early. I checked in and handed over my keys.  I have drank a cup of free coffee. It is now 10:10 and my car is still outside.
Yes...I am at the dealership. Why you ask when an oil change takes 10 minutes elsewhere? Because I have 4 free oil changes.
How long will it take? Hopefully before my next appointment at 3 :)
***UPDATE***
45 minutes later I left my appointment.  The service centre was friendly, coffee was hot and I got a free car wash.

Moody

Why did my mood go from sunshiney to gray?
Outside is a beautiful day, full of heat, sunshine and hope.
But I can't face it today.  I want to curl up in my bed.  I started a painting and it so far is gray.  I have been accomplishing things around the house which is encouraging.
Is it because this is my last day off?  Possibly.
Is it because my therapist told me I had to start a journal and I don't want to because that means writing about things I don't want to face yet?  Possibly.
Is it because I don't know what the near future holds for me?  More than likely.

Creative Genius??

I have recently taken up painting...am I any good?  Meh, but I love it!!

Heimlich Maneuver

Last night, sitting around the kitchen table with friends, a topic came up in the strangest way.  I am going to try and do this story justice and hope it doesn’t end up being one of those stories that at the end you have to say “Guess you had to be there but it was really funny”.  Now, that being said, this was a bring tears to my eyes funny, stomach laugh so hard that I felt like I had worked out my abs for hours funny…..
It all started when W made a comment about me drinking water, while everyone else was enjoying a bevy and that I better not nurse my water too much unless I was worried about drowning.
The conversation then turned to dying.  Or more specifically, would you want someone to give you mouth to mouth, if it was your friend and especially if you are a guy and your friend is a guy.  Laughter began as the guys began demonstrating and explaining different hand signals.  If they are choking or dying but are still putting their hand over their mouth, or even their forearm, this means “get the f*ck away from me, I would rather die than have you kiss me”.  This was the general consensus from the two of them.  Don’t come near me Bro…I don’t want your ugly mug being the last thing I see if I am leaving this earth.  I, personally would like to live and would be thankful…but these are guys we are talking about.
From this point, R mentions that he has had to do the “Hymen” maneuver twice in his life.  I looked over to see if he was joking.  He was dead serious.  But instead of saying “Don’t you mean the Heimlich maneuver?”, I had to keep this one going.  So this is how it went from there:
April:  “the Hymen maneuver huh?”
R:  with a complete poker face, “yeah, had to perform it twice in my life.”
April: “Only twice huh?”
Now at this point W and I realize that R has no clue of the word mix up and we start howling.  R laughs along but you know the laugh, the “you guys are laughing so I will too even though I have no clue what’s so funny” laugh.
R:  “Yep, twice.  Once there was a piece of chicken and it flew into a salad and once it ruined a supper.”
A: ” I can imagine it would ruin a supper.  And salad probably flew everywhere”.
As I am egging this story on, I have tears running down my face, W can’t control himself, almost falling off of his chair.
It was then that R caught on and in all honesty, I can’t quite remember how.  I think we let him in on it, but this joke went on for hours after and still today.  I think the best part of it was the blank look that R had on his face.  He truly didn’t realize what we were laughing at.  It was one of those “should have had a video camera” moments.
So you tell me….a “Have to be there” kinda of funny or is it still funny reading it.  Because as I am typing it, I am still laughing!

Hello out there!

Wow….does life ever get in the way of blogging!  Or it could be spring….I love getting out, throwing on some tunes and either walking to my hearts content or driving with the windows down!  I have been on a real rock kick lately and here are some of my new favorite songs to blast!  Enjoy!
Finger Eleven - Whatever doesn't kill me
Seether - Tonight
Our Lady Peace - Clumsy
Coldplay - Paradise

Any others that I should take a listen to and add to my playlist???

Night Out

Well, I did it.  I ventured out into a crowded bar last night, filled with drunks, men and rude women.  I went with two amazing friends who helped me through the anxiety attacks that continued to happen.  Every time someone bumped into me, walked past and ran their hand around my back to make sure I didn’t back into them.  A few times I held onto the table for dear life as I felt the room closing in.  A few tequila shots helped calm the nerves, plus I thought it would be a great idea to not wear my glasses or contacts.  Everyone could just be a big blur.  Did it work?  Yes and no.  It did get to me that I couldn’t focus on peoples faces but then again, every guy there looked like an asshole to me.  No matter how cute or ugly or nice or mean looking they were…they all had a hidden agenda.  Even ran into a guy from my past online dating experience who led me on.  Well, maybe not led me on but we connected and his communication was sporadic at best and then told me that I was too clingy and was obviously looking for something more than he was.  Yep, I was looking for more than a roll in the hay.
Great thing about last night was that I looked great and I knew it and I didn’t give a shit what others thought.  Am I moving onward and upward?  Not yet.  My evil twin came out last night.  Her name is Phoebe.  She is a great mask to be behind.  I feel that I can be a bitch when I am with her.  April came crashing through a few times and finally broke out at the end of the night which was a great and pleasant surprise.  It allowed me to actually (kinda) dance and talk to someone that I had never met before who turned out to be pretty surprising.  Huh!  Who woulda thunk it!

Realizations

It is strange and scary when realizations hit.  Usually they come out of the blue and hit you in the back of the head with the open hand you really need.
In the past few weeks I have been hit hard, hard enough my head hurts, with some realizations.

1. No matter what I think of myself, others have different opinions.  I don’t put my actual personality out there for the world to see.  When I have in the past, I get quizzical looks, people wondering WTF.  Truth be told I don’t want people to know the true me.  That is something I have felt in the past that I could hide.  Be the actress.  Be someone everyone likes.  Some people have seen glimpses.  If you are reading this and are saying “Oh, I have seen the true April” or “Oh yes, I know what she is all about”…sorry to burst your bubble but chances are you don’t.  Even my closest friends or family haven’t seen the true me.  Will I ever let the true me come out, maybe but then maybe I will lose a lot of the people I know and love in my life.  Better to keep them than be myself?  Probably not but I don’t always like myself, so why would others.
2. I need to do something.  Anything.  Haven’t figured out what yet.  I need something that will make me happy.  I have tried retail therapy only to find an empty bank account.  I have tried running only to find a pulled hamstring.  I have tried painting only to realize that I am an ok but not great painter.  I have tried writing, meh.  I have tried keeping my house spotless only to find that I like it “lived” in.  I have tried laying around doing nothing only to find it makes me more tired.  I have tried working my ass off only to find that I find myself daydreaming of doing anything but that.  I guess I keep searching until I find something that keeps me occupied.
3. Not everyone is good for me.  I may be good for them but they are not good for me.
4. I am hoping I can get back to the silver lining in situations kind of girl.  Since Feb 9^th I have realized that someone can take everything away from you and not even know it.  I have been in situations before that I thought I would never claw my way out of.  The death of my daughter for instance.  How does someone actually survive that without going insane?  I still don’t know how I did it.  But when this last kick at April happened, he took so much from me I am still just realizing it.  I have lost my confidence, my trust in people, my sunshiny outlook on life.  Today is a beautiful day out and I should be out walking or running and seeing if there are signs of Spring out there, like I do every year.  Instead I sit inside with my computer because the thought of going out terrifies me. 
5. I hate men.  Almost all men.  There are very few to that exception right now.  He took that away.  He looked so normal, acted so normal and when the transformation took place, he ended the trust that I felt that I could put in men.  I was out about a month after, meeting with a friend, where there happened to be another guy there that I had never met before.  I have never been so rude and obnoxious to another human being when he tried to put the “moves” on me.  Turns out he must like bitches because even though I didn’t give him my number he keeps asking about me.  He can kiss my hand, hold open doors, look me straight in the eye when talking to me and listening, really listening to me….but fuck him.  He is just another asshole making my life complicated.  I don’t need that.  Don’t get me wrong, do I still want to be swept off my feet and have someone actually WANT to do things with me, WANT to learn what I like and love about life, WANT to be near me, WANT to hear what I have to say, WANT to make me happy…sure….don’t we all? 
6. I have realized that sleep is essential.  Since Feb 9^th, I have not been sleeping.  Oh sure 4 hours in a night sometimes sounds like enough but when those nights are few and far between and then the nights in between get about 1-2 hours, those 4 hours do not recharge a battery.  My doctor put me on sleeping pills that my pharmacist warned me are highly addictive and I should maybe take them for 1-2 nights then stop for a few nights then if needed start again.  Last night was my first full 8 hours of sleep, uninterrupted.  I awoke with a smile….very rare lately.  For the first time in a long time, I hopped out of bed, had a shower, all while singing at the top of my lungs…and happy songs, not my “angry” playlist.  And yet, as happy as I was, I let myself get down and once again am looking out my window at the beautiful day instead of going out and enjoying it.

On Thursday I go to see a psychiatrist to try to work out some of my problems.  Will she help? I am skeptical but going in with an open mind.  If nothing else, laying it all out will bring it all up again and I will spend more time indoors.  Might not be a bad thing, my floors can use the scrubbing.

To all those people....

To all those people who have made this mistake....

More and Less

Dream More…. I guess it depends on how I look at this.  I need to dream less so that I can get some sleep.  Since the rape, I have not been sleeping and when I do, a nightmare wakes me up.  But on the other hand after the rape, my dreams have shattered.  I have dreams for my daughter but have to re-approved my dreams.
Complain Less…. Ok…so as per the above post, shitty things happen in life…I need to start looking for the silver lining again and stop complaining.
  Listen More….  I need to listen to my family and friends more.  They have all listened to me so much lately and now I need to turn the tables.
Love More….  This one will be tough for me as I am having a hard time trusting but I will love beautiful things instead of new people.
Argue Less….  I need to argue less with people in my life.  I know they know where it is coming from…between the lack of sleep and the stress in my life, I have a lot of anger..
  Hope More….  I sure can always hope that I can hope more.
Fear Less….  Soon I will be able to fear less.  Not look over my shoulder.  Not flinch when someone touches me.
Relax More….  Well, I can try.  Today I did a bit….slept in, laid on the couch, napped (thanks W!!), then realized how much I had to do, so I came home, made cinnamon buns, prepped supper, prepped lunch for tomorrow, have 2 loads of laundry done, vacuumed, checked out Facebook, checked out Pinterest and now blogging….well, so much for relaxing!
Worry Less….  Same as fear less.
Believe More….  I have to start believing in people again.  Believing in the beauty of everything again.
Doubt Less….  I have to stop doubting other peoples intentions.  They love me and they understand a lot more than I give them credit for.
Play More….  Once I start getting out more, I will play more.  I will start running again.  I will go out and play with Ash.  I will go out and enjoy this beautiful world.
Work Less….  I am working hard on this…ha ha.
This poster made me think a lot of my life lately.  I will try to follow it a little bit more. =)

Keep Calm and Call Mom

Mom, what will I ever do without you!  You are my best friend!  I know we don’t always see eye to eye but we laugh, we cry and I know I can tell you anything.
You have always been there for me.  It is unfortunate that when I really lean on you is when the worst is happening to me.
You weren’t there when I was in the hospital with a broken arm….and look what happened!  The girl beside me got my favorite food and I got crap! =)
You were there when I came home with my boyfriend from the North and in no uncertain terms told me how bad he was for me.  I wish I would have listened.
You were there when I got my gallbladder out and got me out of bed and across that hall so I could go home with you that night.
You were there to plan my first wedding, even though I didn’t like everything you had to say.
You were there to drive me to the hospital in labour, garbage bags and all.
You were there when I had to bury my daughter and try not to kill my outlaws that day.
You were there for me after my first divorce.
You helped me move out of my house and put all my possessions in your basement.
You were there for me when I told you I had to leave the boyfriend and didn’t know how.
You were there to move me from one apartment to another.
You were there when I told you I was getting married….again….
You were there when I told you that I was leaving that marriage.
You were there when I told you I was raped…and you didn’t roll your eyes and tell me I told you so.
You have always been there for me.  I love you so much.  And I love that I can always count on you!

Will this kill me or make me stronger?

Man, there are some assholes out there.  I don’t mean the driver who cuts you off in traffic or that annoying person at work.  I mean full out assholes who figure they have the right to do whatever they want to you.  That they are allowed to treat you how they want and that you will like it. This happened to me recently, I came across such an asshole.  From here on in, I will call him the biggest asshole in my life…nah too long…how about BA (biggest asshole)?
So this BA contacted me online where I was promoting myself on an online dating site.  He was charming, telling me I looked angelic.  Good start.  I emailed back thanking him.  From there it progressed to texting and well, holy mother of god, it seemed like we had lots in common.  Our conversation was very easy and typical, ok, maybe not typical for me but what I would assume “normal” people talk about.  What your favorite things are, etc, etc.  Then the topic turned a little more typical for me.  He asked me a few pointed sexual questions.  But this go around for online dating I had decided to play it pretty cool.  I said that I like certain things but only sometimes.  I said that I really don’t know what to like and expect from people until I meet them.  Our texting and conversation went on for 5 hours straight.  5 HOURS!  But wow, yep, we were going to get along.  We made plans to meet in a local coffee shop the next day because safety first right!
The next day arrived and as I was getting ready, I texted him to make sure we were still on.  He said definitely and then suggested that I could meet him at the certain coffee shop or we could watch a movie at his house.  I said that I really needed a coffee and he told me he had a Keurig.  So I figured, what harm….why not?  What’s the worst that could happen?  BA and I were getting along famously.  There was my first mistake.
So I received directions to BA’s house and said I would be there within the hour.  Now, this is the middle of the afternoon.  Pretty safe.  But another new safety thing that I decided on was to text my good friend his name, phone number and now his address.  I told her when I was going and my expected time that I would be home.  She told me to have fun and I assured her that I would.
I pulled up to BA’s house and he had warned me that his house was a mess as he was building a garage and anything that was in his old garage was in his house.  I assured him I wasn’t there to see his mess and knocked on the door.  Well, his pictures didn’t lie.  He looked the same as his pictures, although not quite completely but not horrible.  So I had coffee.  The conversation was fine.  We started to watch a movie.  He put the moves on me and I didn’t stop him.  When he suggested we go upstairs where it would be more comfortable, I followed.
Well this is where it went to shit.  I will not post all the details but just know that I now know that he truly earned the name BA as he doesn’t quite understand that “No” and “Stop” mean exactly that.  I got out of his house eventually.  Got into my car, locked the doors and drove around the corner.  Texted my friend telling her that I was on my way home and would never be seeing him again and that I would tell her all about it tomorrow at work.
I drove home, in shock.  Showered to get rid of him.  Made supper.  Talked to my daughter.  Went to a high school tour that night.  Went to work the next day.
I truly didn’t understand how much BA affected me until about a week later, when I couldn’t sleep.  I would fall asleep and then wake up an hour later, obviously with a nightmare, sitting straight up in bed not being able to breathe.  This lack of sleep started effecting me at work….makes for a long 12 hour shift!  I spoke with my supervisor and my friend and finally sat down and reported my rape and BA to the police.  It was the hardest thing I did.  I knew I had to but holy crap.  I kept wondering if I did the right thing.  The nightmares got worse.  I was doubting myself.  Did I lead him on?  Did I ask for it?  But I did say stop, that doesn’t give him the right.  But what can be done?  I didn’t go to the hospital, I didn’t get DNA taken.
Since then, I have an ongoing investigation happening and I finally figured out a way to get 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which may not seem like much but my god it feels like heaven to me.
So….then my question….will it kill me or make me stronger?  The jury is still out.  It really does feel like it is going to kill me but I know I have family and friends that will help me through it and as each day goes on and I realize that he was the one in the wrong, I know it will make me stronger.  I may still have to confront him, whether in a court or not but by then, I will be stronger.  Unfortunately, he did change me.  I am now a bit more of a bitch.  I don’t trust as easily.  Will I date again?  Not for a long time, that’s for sure.  The online profile came down.  I know I am pushing a few friends away even though I try not to.
So stronger I am.  BA can go f*ck himself.  =)

If's in Dating

I came across this picture and thought….wow, someone put something down in writing that I try to think and live by but rarely do.
IF they miss you, IF they want you, IF they care….
I suppose this is all true.  I am sure it is.  Because yes, it is true that if they don’t CALL you, TELL you or SHOW you, they are not worth your time.  But damn it hurts.  Especially when you really feel that connection.  You feel that pull on your heart.  You feel that giddy school girl feeling where your heart races, you can’t focus, you can’t breathe.  And all you want is for them to feel the same, to look at you and want to kiss you right then and there.
At that point is when in the past, I have always thought I must have that desperation look in my eyes and that is what makes them run the other way.  And then it leaves me sitting by myself thinking….ok…what did I do wrong this time?  What did I do?  Maybe it wasn’t me!  Maybe it was them.  I have then, after waiting a couple of days or sometimes a couple of hours, texted them, emailed them, called them…..only making myself look even more desperate.  Yep, cause that helps.
Is it too much to ask for someone to look at me the way they do in the movies?  The love in their eyes, the adoration?
Someday….maybe….I know that I have seen respect in eyes or a thought of how nice I am or how a thought that I am pretty cool but is it the same?  Is it what I need?  What my heart craves?  No.  Maybe I need to lower my expectations.
No, I will not lower my expectations.  I will leave them right where they are.  I am not a bargain basement find.  I am the girl who is kept on the top floor behind the glass because I really am worth that much.  I am not typical and am very proud of that fact.  Why should I settle for typical?  I will not be the one texting.  I will not be the one phoning first.  I will be pursued!

Pain Anyone?

I have been battling for the past few weeks with a torn hamstring.  The pain comes and goes and seems the worst when I am laying down, which becomes a battle when I am trying to sleep.  I have heeded the warnings from my doctors….do not run, do not do leg weights.  I feel like a sloth not doing anything.  I have been walking but then the spasms take over after.  I don’t push it.  I ice it, I take over the counter pain meds, I rest as much as I can.  And I have tried acupuncture.
I have had great success in the past with acupuncture, although it seemed like a crazy road to get to where I believe in it’s benefits.
My first experience with acupuncture, I walked into this little old house and my nose was immediately bombarded with strange scents and smells.  All the different herbal potions and lotions were lined on the shelves and I was greeted by a small lady who was very pleasant and took me immediately to a room.  In this room was a crudely made bed.  When I say crudely made, I don’t mean the linens.  It looked to me like something I would find in a summer camp, if the summer camp had no carpenters to make beds.  I think with my one year of shop in high school, I could make something that looked better than this.  But, I wasn’t here for a spa, I had serious stomach pain that no doctor could figure out and a friend told me that this lady could cure anything.  So I laid down on my back after explaining the pain.  She poked and prodded my stomach, nodded and then started the needles.  As she was inserting the needles, I thought that this was nothing like I had worried about.  I barely felt the needles at all.  Then I watched as she hooked something up to each needle with endless snaking wires heading back to a machine.  She said she would be back in about 20 minutes, turned the machine on and left.  Well, this is when I began freaking out.  This machine with it’s endless snakes of wires was sending jolts of electricity into my body!  Ok…a little dramatic….more like shock waves….but none the less, I didn’t like it.  With the bed and now this, all I was thinking about was the horror stories I had heard from years past of shock therapy for the insane.  Great.  Eventually, the 4 hours ended (ok, 20 minutes) and the demon machine played a tune….Happy Birthday….really?  Happy Birthday?  Are you freaking kidding me???  The lady came back, unhooked all the snakes, I mean wires and took the needles out and told me to come to the front.  I went up to the front counter, paid and walked out.  It wasn’t until after the shock wore off of what had just happened that I realized for the first time in 5 months, my stomach pain was gone.  I actually wanted to eat something!  Well Holy Mother of God, it actually worked!  I am a believer!!
Now, as much as I am a believer, I am a skeptic.  I started doing some research and by talking to others found out that there are different kinds of acupuncture, ones that don’t include shooting electricity through your body.  Whew!  Ok, I just might give this another chance!!
So when my first migraine hit, I thought of trying this once again.  This time, there was an acupuncturist in my chiropractic office (which I have to admit, I was trying out different chiropractors also, since I couldn’t find one that I actually felt did any good).  I am led into the acupuncturist’s room and immediately feel at home.  This room has a massage bed, bookshelves overflowing with books, diploma’s on the wall (which after doing research about the last place, I found out that the lady who treated me was taught acupuncture by her husband who had passed away and she had no other formal training…scary in itself…right??).  The lady came in, introduced myself and we discussed my headache.  She gave me a gown and told me that she would just need my shirt off, I could leave my bra on and sat there….never made a move to leave.  Now, I am far from shy.  It does not bother me to change in front of others but this seemed a little weird…especially since she didn’t even turn to her desk…but OK.  Then she tells me to sit on a chair and lean onto the massage table.  She is chattering away about things and tells me where there are relaxation points, one being on the top of my head.  So she puts a needle in the top of my head….ouch…that hurt!  Not like a “holy crap, someone just hit me with a hammer” kind of hurt but more like a “Man, these mosquito’s are getting big” kind of hurt.  Then a few more in my head.  Just as I am thinking, so why did I have to take off my shirt, she starts manipulating the needles in my head by turning them.  This is when it happened.  My vision started going blurry and then black.  HOLY CRAP I AM BLIND!  I naturally calmly say “Excuse me Miss but it seems that my sight has been lost”.  Yeah right!  Anyone reading my blog or even this post knows that I would never calmly say this….damn right, I freak!  My hands fly out to grab onto the table and I say, quite loudly, “I’m blind!  My vision is gone!  What did you do???”.  She twists again and there it comes back and she calmly (truly calm, which freaks me out more!) replies “oh, that’s normal.  There is that better?  Tell me when it is fully restored”.  Fully restored my ass.  I tell her in no uncertain terms that once it is restored, she will be taking these needles out of me and I will be walking out of here and I will not be paying for this crock of shit appointment.  She gets upset and tries to explain that it is because of my headaches that my vision went away and that if I would only sit down she could help me.  By then my vision is back, needles are out, my shirt is on and I have the door open, telling her that she is never going to touch me again and if my headaches were causing vision loss, I think that I would have not been able to see before I walked into her voodoo office (yes, I used the word voodoo).  The receptionist stops me as I am putting on my coat and shoes and asks me how I would be paying.  I once again use my words not so carefully and tell her and the rest of the waiting room that there will be no way in God’s green earth that I will be paying for today nor ever coming back to this voodoo clinic just to have my vision taken away and storm out.  I get out to my car, take a deep breath and then proceed to go about my day with my headache, which by the way has gotten worse.  I grab a coffee, because caffeine might help and do some retail therapy…because that is always a cure for something.  At the end of my day, I head home and once I am in the bathroom, washing my hands and happen to look at myself in the mirror, I see that people must have truly thought I was a crazy lady all day, as there, perched on the top of my head like the newest fashion statement was a needle, still stuck in the top of my head.  Yep, never going back to that voodoo clinic.
You would think that after these two experiences I would have never tried acupuncture again.  That I would say it was all voodoo and run for the hills at the mere mention of it.  But alas, I kept asking people about it and finding out more about it.  Then….I find a chiropractor whom I really like, who really doesn’t scare me and who I trust will not break my back, which believe me, is a fear of mine.  One day, I am seeing him for some back pain and I happen to mention about my headaches.  He asks me if I have ever tried acupuncture.  This was the first day he saw me as a crazy lady.  Because at the mere mention of acupuncture, I go off on my tangent of the voodoo and all that surrounds it.  He lets me rant for about 5 minutes and then tells me he is an acupuncturist.  OHHHHH…there goes that foot into the mouth again…..damn.  So he tells me of his technique and that yes, he has heard of the other two kinds that I experienced.  From the sounds of it, he is different, in a good way.  He will make the needles “bite” and that I will feel them but that is so that the body will know where to go to heal, same idea as the electric pulses but in a different way.  Ok, that sounds a little better.  He actually has an opening right then and there and I lay down on the bed (after changing into a gown, which he left the room for) and receive needles across my shoulders, in my neck, down my arms, in my hands and yes, one in the top of my head because it is a relaxation point.  I feel each and every one of those 22 needles but after the initial “bite”, I don’t feel them at all.  He asks if I am alright and after assuring him that I am, he turns down the lights and tells me he will be back in about 20 minutes.  OK.  I lay there for a minute and realize that I shouldn’t move or twitch as my muscles do not like me moving with needles in them…imagine that!  So I lay still and when the lights come on and I hear his voice asking how everything is, I realize that I had fallen asleep.  Really?  I was that relaxed?  Wowzers!  He takes the needles out, including the one in the top of my head (thank god because I would have been checking) and does a sweep to make sure there are no strays left and that I am “not leaking”, which was reassuring!
I walked out of the office that day with a new lease on life!  Very minor headache and a whole new view on acupuncture and how it really wasn’t voodoo…or was it?  It did get rid of my headache, it was just so….normal this time around!  So now, when a migraine hits, it takes me a few days of suffering, trying to get rid of it the old ways and then remember that I have to make an acupuncture appointment (if you have read my past posts and saw the one about migraines….that was wrote before I remembered to make an acupuncture appointment.<insert rolling of eyes here>).
So when my hamstring was burning and in agony, I thought what the hell, worse case scenario, he will tell me there is nothing acupuncture can do for me.  I braced myself for him to tell me just that.  To my elation, he said he could most definitely do something.  My first appointment, he put the needles in and left me alone for my 20 minutes.  I did not fall asleep this time, not because I was not relaxed but my muscles hated me.  They were spasming and every time they did, the needles bit me a little more.  I left the office that day in more pain than when I went in and the word “voodoo” started creeping in again.  But I made another appointment for 6 days later.  That night, I was in tears my leg hurt so much.  I had my daughter worried, hell I had myself worried.  But slowly over the next day, it was feeling a bit better.  Every morning after resting it, it would be stiff and sore and I could barely put on my own shoes and socks.  Throw in some over the counter meds and I would feel better.  Sat on ice packs at work.  What ever works.
I went to my next appointment yesterday and today I am feeling extremely stiff and sore.  He had been to a conference on the weekend and was taught another new technique.  He warned me it would hurt more and he delivered!  Each needle felt like it was going down to the bone!  But once the needles were done and I was laying there for my allotted time, I realized that my muscles were actually relaxing.  When they came out, my leg didn’t hurt near as much.  I did some stretching and felt not bad.  He warned me that I would be feeling it more so the next day and yes, today is a tough day…but it feels much more like I have just overworked it rather than spasms.  Could this be the start of my leg healing?  I sure hope so.  I have had enough of the pain.  Would I recommend acupuncture to anyone else?  Of course, in fact I have just recently.  I tell them of my experiences and my thoughts on each technique and let them make up their own minds but hand over my true acupuncturist’s business card and tell them to call him.  I would hope they do their own research and find what works for them and decide which technique <cough, voodoo> doesn’t work for them.

Demons

This post will not be for the faint of heart and mostly not what most people who know me will want to read.  So heed this warning and turn away if you fall into either category.

Of late, I have been hearing and most heart wrenching, feeling my demons.  They don’t surface often as I have learned how to keep them hidden.  When they do surface and start screaming in my head, this is when the depression hits and even worse than the depression, the self-doubt.  Really, that is what the demons are…is self-doubt.  Did I do right in my past experiences?  I know, there are people that will tell me that the past is the past and you can only live for the future.  My past has shaped me but more so scarred me.  Molded my personality, made me the strong fighter I am.  It also has made the shield I use to protect my emotions, hiding away my feelings because I know no one needs or wants to see them.  Everyone has their own demons, why do they need to see mine?
I decided to write this post and lay some of my demons if not all of them on the line.  Is it to shut them up and throw them out of my life for good?  That would be ideal.  Then maybe I would be able to get past some of my feelings of self-doubt in my life and truly live the life I want and be the person I want to be.
Self-Doubts

1. I hate my body.  My smile is nice but not white enough.  My hair is gorgeous after it is cut but then I can’t do so it looks good.  My eyes are pretty but one is bigger than the other.  My boobs really are too big and are getting saggy.  My stomach has too much loose skin and needs tightening.  My thighs are starting to get cellulite.  I have no ass or hips and therefore have very few pants that fit me.  My arms have the “wiggle”.  My feet are huge skis.
2. No matter how much weight I will lose, I will always feel that I am the fat girl.
3. I was bullied growing up.  I was sat on in the snow and beaten up.  I was chased home, terrified.  Living in a small town, she was always there, one year ahead of me.  In grade 9, she gathered some of the girls from her grade and most of the ones from mine, cornered me and told me that I was ugly and fat and there was no way that I was ever going to be part of their crowd and I should just go home and not try every again.  So I did.  I went home cried and then started building my shield.  Fuck them all.  I won’t let them see me hurt.  Put the smile on and never let them see your true feelings.
4. I feel like a failure.  In high school, I didn’t have the direction of a career counselor or even a teacher that could tell me what classes I should have taken to get into a career I would love.  I had dreams that were squashed quite neatly once high school was done and I realized that I would never get into a course that would lead me to a career.  Sure I could have done something about it, gone back to school but then I would look like a failure.  So instead, I moved.  I moved thousands of miles away to go to work and I hated it.  I was away from friends and family and that was the first time I was free to be who ever I wanted to be.  But more on that in the next number.  I will come back to “failure” in a lot of the next numbers.
5. I have never “found” myself.  When I moved away and could be anyone I wanted to be…what did I do?  Jumped into bed with the first guy who looked at me and smiled.  This was my first time at the age of 19.  Was it a wonderful, mind blowing experience?  Not even close.  Do I remember his name?  Nope.  Do I even remember what he looked like?  No way.  I do remember feeling so sad after and I hate the fact that my first time was like that.
6. My first true “boyfriend” was also from when I moved.  There again, he smiled and said how beautiful I was, blah, blah, blah.  Sure he was nice, when he wasn’t degrading me or hitting me or pushing me down the stairs.  Or even the time when he decided that I was a piece of meat, his property and he could sell me and my body.  There…I said it….in a roundabout way.  I was raped, brutally, by numerous men while my “boyfriend” watched and charged at the door.  What a peach.  Do I remember all of it? No, I was out of it on morphine but I do know that he made a pretty penny that night.  Did I leave? No.  Did I report it? No.  Why you might ask? Because he loved me and as he told me, who else was going to love me after they knew what I “allowed” to happen because I didn’t provide for him enough.  It was the typical beaten wife syndrome.  He would build me up with compliments and gifts to then beat me down.  I had no friends and no family.  Sure I came home to visit, even brought him home to meet the family.  Did I listen to them when they could see he wasn’t good for me? Never, that would admit to me being a failure.  Eventually, I did leave and came home.
7. I went to college and was haunted by the fact that everything I had done in life so far was a failure.  So when my first husband and I met and then he suggested I move to where he was living, yep, I packed up and left because after all, I was going to be a wonderful girlfriend and then (hopefully) a wonderful wife, and we would have a wonderful life and family and house and, and, and.  Well, I failed at that too.  We did have a house.  We did have a family.  We did have a marriage.  I threw it all away.  Sure he played a part in it.  But I know that I did too.  Did I learn something from it?  I like to think so but the failed relationships to come were proof that I didn’t learn enough.  I think that when I accepted this relationship and eventually marriage, I was thinking that my life was passing by and I better grab onto someone quick because  god forbid, I ever be alone.
8. The loss of my second daughter.  My beautiful daughter is a twin.  Charlotte, our second, passed away shortly after birth.  Did I fail her as a mother?  Yes, I did.  Sure I wasn’t the mother who smoked or drank during pregnancy.  Sure the doctors tell me that it was nothing I did that she didn’t develop.  But the fact still remains, she isn’t here with me.  She isn’t here with her sister who needs her.  She may have kept my marriage together.  No, let me rephrase that.  She is not the reason my marriage fell apart.  Her death showed me something that I didn’t like in my marriage and that was the reason it fell apart.  Do I talk about her?  Sure.  Do I tell people that it’s ok for me to tell her story because it, after all has been 13, almost 14 years and it gets easier?  You bet.  Am I lying?  Damn right.
9. My daughter, Ashley.  I feel like I have failed her the most.  Don’t get me wrong, she is a beautiful, amazing kid.  More than I could ever ask for.  But every day when I get angry over something little, my heart breaks.  When I see her in tears because her “friends” are treating her badly, my heart breaks.  When I see her struggling with the failures I face, my heart breaks.  So I try and put on that shield and that smile and be a rock so that she doesn’t have to have her heart broken by her mother.  I want to protect her from all the bad in the world but know I have to let her grow.  I don’t want her making the same mistakes I made but how do I talk to her about it when I don’t want to admit my own failures?
10. My next relationship.  So after my first marriage, what did I do but jump into another relationship.  This one…an older guy.  Because they are supposed to provide stability.  Did I love him?  No.  I was afraid of being alone.  Did I leave after the first time he hit me?  Nope.  Because I was starting to realize that maybe my first “boyfriend” was right.  I tried a marriage and it failed, maybe I was ugly and no one else would really want me.  I never told anyone about the rape because I was ashamed and deep down really did think that no one would want me and here was another guy telling me the same thing.  So, I let him hit me and push me around.  When I finally had enough and left, he stalked me and terrorized me.  And again, I failed another relationship.
11. Then my next marriage.  Well, as much as I still love him as a friend, that is what he was….a very good friend.  And should have stayed that way.  I chased him down.  I told him how practical it was for him to move in with me.  I proposed to him.  Notice all the “I”s.  I don’t doubt for a minute that he eventually loved me.  I don’t doubt for a minute that he loved Ashley.  But here again it came down to me being alone.  My ex-husband had found someone and they were going to get married.  My god!  I can’t be left behind!  Even though this again is another one of my failures, I at least can say that I still care deeply for him and always will.

Ok.  11 self-doubts and I know I didn’t cover everything.  I have it down in writing.  I have shed many tears writing this and already feel them welling up again.  I have thought about just saving this for a few days and tweaking it but no, I will post it and possibly add to it at a later date.  Just throwing it out there, all the ugly, the demons have quieted to a dull roar…..for now.  Thank you for reading.  I have contemplated making this a “private, password protected” post but then I am just hiding behind a shield again.

Strong Women

A strong woman….that is all I strive to be and all that I strive to teach my daughter.
What makes a strong woman?  Is it someone who people call a bitch, someone who puts people down?  Nah, they are just bitches.
I am a strong woman because of my past experiences and for the fact that I stay a rock for my daughter.  My life has thrown me curves and I have come out stronger because of it.  Now…how do you explain to a new relationship the reasons you don’t tell them everything.   Are your past experiences really what you want to put out there for your new relationship?  Yes, it has shaped who you are but do they really need to know everything?
In my life, I have not let any of my relationships know everything in my past.  No…correct that.  My first serious relationship.  I let him in on my hopes, dreams and secrets.  He took that information, twisted it and used it against me.  Is it any surprise that I don’t give up my information and my past easily?
Yeah, it sucks that one “bad apple” ruined that for me.  I am getting better.  Really I am.  I have taken deep breaths and let some of it out but as for relationships….no, I don’t plan on telling it all.  Am I setting myself up for failure?  Maybe….Probably.  Will it help to tell someone new all my skeletons?  I can’t think that it would.  Why would I put my skeletons out for someone else to feel better about their problems?
I have talked to Councillors in the past.  Have they helped?  Maybe, but I don’t think so.  Oh sure, they have allowed for me to talk it out.  Absolutely.  Has talking helped.  I don’t know about that.  I hear the pity in their voices, the pity in their eyes.  Really, is it anything  that hasn’t happened to others in the past?  The things that have happened in my past happen everyday to thousands of people.  I don’t want pity.  It really are all things that can be overcome.  And that is why I don’t talk about it.
Only a very special person in my life will ever know everything.  Neither of my ex-husbands know everything.  My parents don’t know everything.  I don’t even have a friend who knows absolutely everything.  And for now that is how it will remain.

Random Funnies...

These are pictures I have come across and have kept them for inspiration for a blog post in the future....so far I have just kept them....so might as well share them!  Hope you have a great laugh!

Part-Time People

Everyone knows someone like this.  Someone who is your part time person.  Unfortunately, I have come across more and more of those lately. These days, I am very thankful for my good friends.  Isn’t interesting how you can lose sight of your good friends.  But like good friends, they stick by you….no matter how much time has passed.
They stick by you through divorce.  They stick by you through babies.  They stick by you through moves.  They stick by you through dating the wrong men.  And I am so thankful for that and them.
Life would not be the same without them.  To always have someone who you can laugh with, cry with and love no matter what.  My girlfriends are my rocks.  I know that I can always count on them to give me the advice no one else has the balls to tell me.  It may sting when I hear it but I know they are only looking out for me.  Not the guy of the moment.  Me.  They have that outside perspective that always has my best interest at heart.
~~~~~~~~~~
Coming back and re-reading this post, I realized that I went on a completely different train of thought than I wanted.  So….here we are again.
Part-time people.  Oh so many of them.  Most people live their lives with the part-time people from work and that is it.  But when I think about my past life, I realize how many part-time people really have passed through my life.  Friends who turned out not to be friends at all.  Most of the people from my hometown or school.  Sure, you run into them from time to time and say we must get together but then life gets busy and you just never do.
But when I read the above quote, what struck me about it was the guys I have “dated” recently.  I have “dated” in quotes because some I really don’t consider someone I dated.  Sure, I went on a typical date, but then they became a part-time person.  Some, you know right away that they are not for you and you have had a visit with someone you didn’t know before over coffee (and why is it, everyone wants to meet or have their first date over coffee….supper just too expensive???) and that is great.  But the ones that want to see you again, then treat you like a part-time person.  Anyone at my age that is in the dating game has a life…at least I hope they do.  So I understand that guys are busy and have other interests and when they see me they don’t fall so incredibly in love with me that all they want to do is spend every waking hour with me….yikes….if they did that I would be running as fast as I could the other way….well, maybe I would run if it was in a crazy stalker-ish kinda way.  I truly don’t expect someone to want to spend all their time with me, because I am a busy girl too between raising my daughter, work, the gym, family and friends, I keep moving….but if I was really interested in someone, I would make time for them too.  I would want to spend time with them, finding out more about them, what they are like, do they love their parents, what makes them happy.
It gets frustrating when you find someone you want to find out more about and then they don’t make the time for you.  Even as I type this, I can hear people saying “Maybe he is just not that into you”.  And maybe they are right.  I understand when someone has kids, they are the most important thing in their lives, mine is too.  I also understand that money drives a lot of people and when they have jobs other than their full time one they are busy, I have 4 other jobs too.  I would like to find that person who has the drive and determination to make it all work, including time with me.  Is that too much to ask?  I don’t think so.  This is how someone becomes that part-time person.  The person who will walk into my life, make a mark and then not have time to see if there is a future, whether it be a dating future or a friendship future.
Then there are the people who come into your life, spend time with you but only time on their terms.  Forget what interests you have.  Forget that you may want to do something.  Or the one who makes claims of what we could do and then never follows through.  They can’t be classified as part-time people because you see them enough, but part-time in the sense that they only want you for one thing.  Whether that thing is sex or to make them look thinner or make them laugh or to help them through something.
I wish I could say I would get rid of the part-time people in my life but honestly, some of them are worth it.  Even if I only get that part of them.

Have you packed your bags?

I am amazed.  Dating at my age, we all have baggage.  Some more than others but baggage none the less.  So what allows people to judge others because of their baggage and why is it so hard to find that person to help you unpack your baggage.
Of course, the first time you meet someone, you are not going to unpack on them but wouldn’t it make life easier if you could.  Maybe not verbally but in writing.  Have a card with your top 10 baggage.  I bet when you exchanged them, they would be fairly close to the same.  Same stuff, just wrote down differently.  Wouldn’t that make things easier to understand why someone may wait to call you back, not want to jump into a relationship (even though they say they are), expressing their feelings for you but then running the other way when you hesitate or run the other way yourself.  Since my new “dating” life has begun, I had such an instance.  And because I was a strong woman who knows (usually) what she wants, he called me controlling and a bitch.  WOW!  You met me once and stood me up on numerous occasions and I am the bitch.  Maybe controlling by asking for respect.  Funny, once I called him on it, he explained to me that he had just gotten out of a relationship with a very controlling woman.  Huh, do you think that you may need to deal with that baggage a bit before you get into another relationship or at least let someone know?  Am I asking too much?  Funny, once I called him on it, I never heard from him again.  His loss, not mine.

 Someday, my Prince will come.  Maybe.  I am very skeptical.  Don’t get me wrong, there are amazing guys out there.  But really, a Prince, someone who will “love me the way I’ve always wanted”?  How can they love me the way I have always wanted when I won’t put myself out there enough because I am so tired of being hurt and disappointed?  Life is a journey with twists and turns and I will run down the path, taking it all in and enjoying the ride.  Who I am with will determine part of the path.  Will they be the one to join me for the rest of my destination?  Only time will tell.  I could let my heart go again but it has enough scars right now that I will just hold it close right now.  I doubt I will allow myself to completely fall again.  I am sure I will fall but it will take a lot.  I guess because of where I am in my life, that person will have big expectations to fill.  The older I get, the more I know what I want.  I may not always say it right away but it will come out.  I know….damn women, wanting it all but not telling guys what they want.  Yep, we want you to know what we want because we want you to want to do the romantic things.  Guess we are really crazy.  But don’t worry guys….so are you.  We all have a little crazy in us and that brings us back to our baggage.  I am going to try harder at putting those suitcases in the garbage, not just under my bed.  That way, the garbage man can take them away and I can truly be myself.  I hope everyone else can do this too!

Tired of Waiting....

This really sums up my past love life.......

It happened for a reason....

Do you subscribe to the idea that everything happens for a reason?  I do.  Looking back on my life, the good, the bad and the ugly have all shaped me into the person I am today.  I also subscribe to the idea that there is a silver lining in every situation, sometimes it is the tiniest sliver of sunshine but it is there if you look hard enough, or have someone as annoying as me pointing it out
Looking back on my adult life, my “hardships” really could have been a lot worse.  At the time, life was ending.  I didn’t know what to do, where to turn or who to turn to.  It was just recently, when I turned 35 that I took on a new perspective in life.  To live it to the fullest, to look for the rays of sunshine in all the clouds.  This was also the day I told my doctor that I would not be taking any more medication for depression.  I felt like I had no emotion on the pills and I hated it.  I am sure people in my life wanted to shove some of those pills down my throat the first few months off of them!  I was an emotional roller coaster.  Not the best moments in my life o_o
My grandmother’s life was an inspiration to me and continues to be.  When I have a down moment I think of her and her smiling face.  She had a tough life.  She lived an inspiring life.  No matter what the world threw at her, she still went on, treated people with respect (even when they didn’t treat her with respect back), lived a simple life with joy in the little things.  The beauty in the sunrise and sunsets.  The blooming flowers.  The farm animals.  Family.
My grandma was married young to a handsome Russian man and they had 3 dark handsome boys.  Then one day he is murdered.  Shot dead on a rainy day while bringing home hay.  She became a young widow in a heartbeat.  She then met my grandfather, married and had 3 more children (2 boys and one girl – my mom).  During the course of her life, she had her one son die in a boating accident, another of cancer and another in a car accident.  Her second husband died also.  This is a lady who then ran the farm on her own until her own passing of cancer.  This strong woman checked herself out of the hospital to go back to the farm to say goodbye before collapsing and ending back up in the hospital until her passing.  There was always time for a little visit and I can still hear her “yoo-hoo” from across the yard or street to get your attention.  I miss her dearly but every time I am looking for that ray of sunshine in the dark cloud, I think of her and that sunshine warms my soul.
There are many horrible things happening in this world.  Famine, Natural Disasters, Disease.  I think of these when I am looking for that ray of sunshine.  Yes, my daughter died but it could have been worse, I could have lost both girls.  Yes, I have been through 2 marriages but it could be worse, I could hate both of these men and not learned anything from them.  Yes, I have lost all my grandparents but I was lucky enough to know all of them.  Yes, I have not found my niche in the world completely yet, but I will find it…I am still young.  Yes, I have had some good friends who turned out to not be good friends at all but I am very blessed with the friends I have in life right now.
Wow….this post took on a whole different vibe than when I started.  I am very glad to be writing again and thank you for reading

Welcome to my Blog!

Hello!  Thank you for checking this out!  I had a blog on another site and decided to check this one out also.  So....to catch up a bit, my first few posts will be copies of posts from my last blog...just so you don't think I just sit around all day blogging =)  I look forward to your comments!!

April =)